do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
