My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
