I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
