I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
