woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
