Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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