Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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