But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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