we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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