I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
