Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
