Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
