all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
