Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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