Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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