I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
