Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.