the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
