Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
