She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
