remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
