I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
