I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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