hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
