I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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