Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
