I'm lost and stupid without you.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
