do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
