Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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