Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
