do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
