I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was confusing and full of hummus
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
