Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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