Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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