So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
