the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
