He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
