She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
