Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
