Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
