Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.

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(253): View more from Washington

um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(937): View more from Ohio

dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.

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(925): View more from California

Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.

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(619): View more from California

So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.

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