Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.

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  (804): remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt. http://tfl.nu/2ukp
  Replies (9) Good night (902) Bad night (3486)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.

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  (850): OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you. http://tfl.nu/hptp
  Replies (11) Good night (1022) Bad night (3679)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.

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  (732): i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that. http://tfl.nu/vsly
  Replies (26) Good night (1291) Bad night (8077)
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  (566): View more from

  According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !

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  (566): According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE ! http://tfl.nu/odei
  Replies (25) Good night (868) Bad night (3158)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.

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  (845): Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was. http://tfl.nu/ww86
  Replies (12) Good night (3624) Bad night (1336)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!

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  (757): then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?! http://tfl.nu/zl1v
  Replies (14) Good night (1110) Bad night (4211)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.

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  (412): He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to. (412): Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali. http://tfl.nu/ulfo
  Replies (9) Good night (2385) Bad night (832)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  do we own a ladder

  (206): View more from Washington

  We do not.

  (360): View more from Washington

  then how am i on the roof

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  (360): do we own a ladder (206): We do not. (360): then how am i on the roof http://tfl.nu/xqbq
  Replies (18) Good night (5830) Bad night (859)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."

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  (970): I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend." http://tfl.nu/7i0l
  Replies (9) Good night (727) Bad night (2808)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.

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  (641): If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics. http://tfl.nu/etl3
  Replies (8) Good night (1728) Bad night (730)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.

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  (647): Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor. http://tfl.nu/ry4y
  Replies (8) Good night (1549) Bad night (557)
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  (415): View more from California

  I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.

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  (415): I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing. http://tfl.nu/pa54
  Replies (4) Good night (676) Bad night (432)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?

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  (203): Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day? http://tfl.nu/ae7l
  Replies (5) Good night (682) Bad night (348)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up

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  (914): Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up http://tfl.nu/yx6y
  Replies (4) Good night (1025) Bad night (365)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.

  (716): View more from New York

  The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers

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  (716): Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one. (716): The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers http://tfl.nu/7hy9
  Replies (5) Good night (741) Bad night (413)

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