he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
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Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.