I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
