OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference