we made out on top of his cat.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.