found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
