guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
