I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
