apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize