So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
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At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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