They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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