Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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