i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
