soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad