Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.