i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up