I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?