Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
