oh god the rape fog is back!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
