my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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