Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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