i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
