hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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