I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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