Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
