Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
