I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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