Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
