so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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