please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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