i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Welp...herpes.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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