Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
