Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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