I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
