Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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