How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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