I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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