I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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