My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
