Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
ok first of all what the fuck
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
