You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
