we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
