either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
