you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
