Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
