I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
