Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Randomize
